pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
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