stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Randomize
