i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
