You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
