I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
