just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
