Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Randomize
