This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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