making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Randomize
