So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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