Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Randomize
