We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
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