just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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