a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
