my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
