we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
