why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
