Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize
