And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
