now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
