Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
