i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
