Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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