Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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