out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
