I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
