you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
