really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
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