Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Randomize
