Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
