Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Randomize
