just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
