Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
