Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
