how can u be prego again
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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