If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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