thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Randomize
