Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
