I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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