Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Nobody cheats on THIS.
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