i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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