I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
