Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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