I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Randomize
