If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
