I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
