got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
