she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
It's blow job season.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
