And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
