I just pynch a tree in the face
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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