new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
