i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
