thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Randomize
