highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
