He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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