Will you blow on my dice?
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
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