If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
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