is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
