Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Randomize
