I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Randomize
