just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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