Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Randomize
