Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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