oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
