i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
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