It's Friday. Sex?
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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