so that wasnt chicken after all
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Randomize
