I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
