"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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