i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
