How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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